Among our friends, we are known for being ambitious about taking the kids to restaurants. It is a core part of who we are as parents. And we get it. It takes a lot of reps before things start to go well, and even when they are going well, sometimes they still go terribly.
A few things give me confidence that a meal is going to land.
How noisy is the restaurant? You need a bit of noise. There is nothing worse than feeling like your kids are the loudest part of the experience, sitting in a room where every other table is quietly chewing their food while one of yours screams for something. I do not care how confident you are as a parent. It is the ultimate cringe.
How friendly is the wait staff? It feels like a small thing, but when kids feel part of the restaurant experience, when they have a relationship with the person bringing food to the table, they are naturally more engaged and better behaved. If they can order their own food, if the waiter takes a moment to actually listen, they become participants instead of observers.
How fast is the service? This is the big one. Slow service is the enemy of well-behaved kids. Realistically, kids have an hour, tops. If their food can come out first, if the girls are fed and have their doodle boards out, we are absolutely cooking.
Two days ago we went for lunch at a beautiful courtyard spot in the heart of Marbella. It took the server twenty minutes to address the table. That should have been the sign to get out.
Look, it is Spain. Things move slowly. People move slowly. But that is just not how eating with kids works. Within no time, the girls broke. They fought over ketchup. They ran away from the table. And honestly, it was not their fault. We had brought them into a situation that just does not work.
An hour and a half in, we bailed. I took the girls to the local park while Jo settled the bill and figured out what dish still had not arrived. Whatever it was, we wrapped it up for takeout.
In Europe, every menu tells you about every potential allergen. Seafood, shellfish, a hundred different things to watch for. I think every restaurant should also have to post their average service time. Because that would have been an absolute no-go for us.